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__Working with Parents (CH 5) Overview__ Working with parents & caregivers is inevitable in the field of education. Parents give educators insights into their child's personality, their thinking, creativeness, needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses, and their overall potential. Throughout this chapter you will learn:1) Methods for keeping parents and caregivers informed about their student's work & behavior at school2) How to structure a successful parent/ caregiver conference3) How to deal effectively with criticism & confrontation from adults who are responsible for your students4) Methods for working with parents of second language learnersEducators need to remember a child's attitude about school is influenced by their parents. Because of this, we need to create an atmosphere where students and their parents feel comfortable and make sure they have a positive school year experience with you. What involvement did your parents have in your academic career? Discuss their involvement at the elementary level, the secondary level, and the post-secondary level. What type of impact did their involvement have on you?

In elementary my parents attended parent/teacher conferences, asked at night if I had homework, and they reviewed and helped me with my homework. My mom attended classroom activities and fieldtrips. In the secondary level I was so intrinsically motivated they didn't need to do much to encourage that, they still attended teacher conferences and school activities. They always expected good grades- within my ability. At the post-secondary level they were very encouraging that I attend college ‘first college’, now that I am in ‘second college’ they are very supportive and tell me how proud they are. I didn’t live with them much through either college attendances so they’re involvement has been different than k-12. My parents support, encouragement, and involvement have made education an easy, enjoyable experience for me. They both have positive views of education so I never have viewed it negatively. - Nikki

Nikki- Would it be fair to say that the involvement of your parents at an early age helped contribute to your "intrinsic motivation?" Do you think you would have that same motivation if your parents were not active in the same way? -Mike

Nikki- My parents were very much like yours were. There was an 'expectation' to do as well as I could. An encouraging word went a long way for me in college as well. Thanks for sharing! Jackie

Nikki - What a great experience! It sounds like you (and Jackie) had the ideal childhood! It goes to show you the significance parental involvement has on a child! :) *Stephanie

Nikki- You are lucky that your mom was able to attend classroom activites and fieldtrips. My mom worked outside the home so she wasn't able to do that with me. I only wish that I was able to do that for my children...but who knows, maybe I will someday! *TRICIA*

Nikki- I know how nice it was to have your mom at different field trips and different events. Sounds like you had a pretty great education growing up! Mandy

In elementary school my parents were “single” parents in the sense that my step-dad worked school hours and lots of overtime and my mom was a nurse and worked at nights and rotating weekends/holiday. Since only one parent was home at a time, that parent had to divide their time between 3 kids and household duties. During that time my parents made sure to make it to conferences and help me with homework if I asked but there was not a lot of checking up to make sure everything was done. When I hit my secondary level, my mom had switched shifts to days and my step-dad was more established in his position so they had more time to be involved in my education. They attended the conferences and checked to make sure I was doing everything I could to be successful. My grades were expected to be high and if I was struggling I was expected to seek additional help from my parents or the teacher. My parents stressed the importance of a college education, so it was not really an option if we were going to college or not, it was a must. In college my parent sat back and let me make my own decisions. They would check in from time to time and ask how classes were going or if something came up where I needed them they were there. After my first Bachelors degree I could not find a position in my field and it was my parents who encouraged me to go back and explore the teaching field. Without my parent's support and encouragement I don't think I would have made it this far, I think I would have settled for working in my current job.-Chris

I remember my mom being more involved in my education than my dad, only because he worked for the majority of the day, but both of my parents cared about my education. In elementary it would be my mom to attend conferences but she'd be dragging me along with her. Some teachers would allow kids to listen in on the conferences, and some other teachers made you sit in the chair in the hallway. I remember many times being frustrated with homework in elementary that I just didn't understand but Mom was always more than willing to help me. Also in elementary both my parents would attend school carnivals and open houses, things like that. At the secondary level, homework was getting a little more difficult. For me, especially math. Math is not my mom's subject, so when my dad was available he'd usually be able to help me out. Most of the time however, I had my big brother or sister to help with my math homework! so now that I look at it, it was nice to kind of have my whole family involved in my education. My mom is always encouraging and is happy to see my good grades or my creative artwork in my art class and (our favorite...) all the stories I've written in my English classes. At the post-secondary level my parents are still encouraging. It was my mom who encouraged me to graduate early from High School so I could get right into college. I sort of did, but I was off and on because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. After I had my daughter I finally decided I really liked working with kids and could put all my creativeness to good use. My mom helped me take the steps to figuring out what I need to do to get on the right track. And my dad seemed happy I was just a step closer to moving out of the house. Typical dad :p But having my parents involved has been incredibly helpful and I don't think I'd be where I'm at now if I wouldn't have had their help every step of the way.-Melissa C.

Melissa- I'm glad to see you had support from your whole family. I see that with mine too; however I'm the oldest so I'm the one always giving the help and usually before my homework is done. Whether its siblings, parents, or friends, it is vital that we all have a support system to rely on to better our education.

Melissa- That's a great statement about the involvement your entire family had. I however would say I had the opposite experience. I don't recall recieving help with my homework form my parents, probably a few times from my mom but I'm sure never from my Dad. I also didn't like the guidence my so call guidence counselor gave me. I meet with him once and he pretty much told me sports were out of the question because of the cost of the schools, which lead me not to puruse the D-3 schools and not really look at any schools. I choose NIACC because my sister went there four years prior. I do think my appreciation is greater now due to the different path I have taken. It also has lead me to be involved in my childrens schooling and activities more than I possibly would have been. Mike

The parental involvement that I received throughout my childhood was limited at best. My parents definitely wanted me to do well in school and extracurricular activities by the level of participation on their part were not forthcoming. In elementary school, my mother attended conferences and provided help with homework when prompted. That however was the extent on my parental involvement at that stage. On the secondary level the involvement was the same, my mother attended conferences and that was pretty much it for involved. They attended the majority of my sporting events, but the involvement was at that. My parents were not involved in the courses I took and didn’t question report cards. I believe I stopped showing them to my mother by 9th grade. On the post-secondary level, after I graduated high-school the involved was merely asking me how classes were going. Currently, that is the extent on my involvement with the majority coming from my mother throughout all grade levels. I believe the impact was felt significantly, I didn’t push myself or have an adult help with the course selection or career pursuit. This has led to me currently attending college again for another career change. Additional guidance might possibly help in selecting a career in teaching at an early age. Mike

Mike - You should be proud of yourself for getting as far as you have (and continue to go) with the limited involvement. It is also wonderful that you are actively taking part in your children's education because as we know, it is so important! *Stephanie

Mike- It's very unfortunate your parents weren't actively involved in your schooling. Congrats on coming as far with school as you have, it’s great that you’re motivated enough to be in school now knowing that you want better for yourself!! –Nikki

My parental involvement revolved around my mother. When I was in elementary and middle school my mom worked at each school the duration of my time at both. She knew exactly where I was and what I was doing AT ALL TIMES! I appreciate it now, but man, at the time it drove me CRAZY (mainly in middle school)! She always encouraged me to do the best, but her communication was (and continues to be) somewhat ineffective in the sense that she relies on threats and demeaning comments to "encourage" desired behavior. By the time I entered high school my mom had ventured off to open her own business, leaving me to obtain good grades unattended. This brought on some sneakiness on my part, but all in all I have always taken school seriously and had/have an intrinsic desire to learn and do my best. My dad was uninvolved in my education, never really commenting unless I did something extraordinary (good or bad). He worked a lot of hours and was on-call a lot for his job, so my mom definitely was the significant parental unit with most things. As far as post-secondary, I moved here 2 months after graduating (my family lives in Nebraska) and was left to make my own decisions. I have pushed myself throughout the entire process. My dad never went to college and my mother went to beauty school; neither knowing/understanding alternative options. I have had to find answers on my own to questions I didn't even know how to ask. As a mother I have vowed to myself to make sure my children know all the options available to them, as well as how to get there. *Stephanie

Stephanie-My parents motivation was very similar; not really acknowledging the good things just making sure I was not doing anything bad. I think it is great that you are there to make sure your kids succeed. I think not having options is the biggest deterent for kids going to college.

Stephanie- You should be proud of yourself for getting to where you are today! You have a lot of drive and motivation to do what you want to do. It's funny how we look at our parents and say that we are going to do this or that the same or different from what they did to us.... and some day our kids will be saying the same thing! *TRICIA*

Stephanie- I think it’s so great that as a parent you will make sure your children are aware of options/choices, looking back I feel my sister and I weren’t informed much about all we could do. It’s turned out fine for us now, but think of were we could be! ;) - Nikki

Stephanie- I think we had almost the same situation. I know how frustrating it was to have everyone know your whereabouts always! I think it will be hard for us to figure out how to be very involved but not too involved like our parents! Mandy

Stephanie- I think thats pretty funny that your mom worked at the same school while you were there and how she had the opportunity to watch you like a HAWK! And how you appreciate it now. It shows how much we've grown up when we suddenly realize how much we appreciate the help our parents give/gave and we can learn from our parents to be involved in our own children's education- Melissa C.

Both of my parents worked outside of the home when I was growing up so there really wasn't a lot of parental involvement from my parents in the school setting. My mom usually worked until later in the evening, so my dad was home with me and my brother at night most of the time. In elementary school I remember being dropped off at La Petite (a childcare center) before school, and then riding the La Petite bus back there after school. I don't have a lot of memories from the early elementary grades, but I do remember struggling in Math in the upper elementary grades. My mom hired a Math tutor to come to the house to help me work with money and basic math facts. I also had these records (yes, acual vinyl records!) that included one record for each multiplication family and would sing each of the multiplication facts for that family. On the weekends my mom would set the oven timer and have me take timed tests for review. As I got to junior high, my dad helped me out more with my Math homework. I also remember my dad helping me with a science fair project on how smoking affects your lungs. In high school I relied more on a good high school friend to help me with my school work, one of those subjects being... math! My mom continued to work until later in the evenings during my high school years, and for various reasons, my relationship with my dad changed, so there was little to no involvement with school by my parents during this time. Once I finished high school I couldn't wait to move out and go to college. I always knew I was going to go to Iowa State. Since my first semester at Iowa State wasn't the best, I was good at hiding my grades from my parents. After that first semester I realized that I needed to take my schooling seriously, so I started studying and going to class and opened the communication to my parents. Now that I have children of my own, I do my best to stay involved in their school work and activities. ***TRICIA***

Tricia- It sounds like you've learned from your parents very well. They didn't do what you needed in order to be successful all the time, so you plan to change that with your kids. I applaud that! - Sean

Tricia- Interesting how you mention your mom would have you take timed tests for review, I too remember my mom doing the same thing. Especially over the summer so that I wouldn't forget everything I had learned the previous school year and so the teacher would know my real potential beginning the next school year. -Melissa C.

My parents were very involved in my education. My mom was VERY involved. She is a teacher and also worked as a coach in Hudson where I went to school. When I was in elementary school, my mom decided to leave the field and stay home with myself and my sisters. I think I was 3 when she decided to do this. Therefore she was free to be involved in everything. She also had to get her teaching fix through mine and my 2 younger sisters education. Every field trip, every class party, and every parent meeting she was there. This was very encouraging. As I moved into middle school and high school having my mom around got to be so frustrating! She continued to coach and ran or had a part of everything I was ever a part of. There was no way I could have ever gotten away with anything! I still would try to skip school or something like that but got caught everytime! Once some friends and I thought we would be so sneaky and go out to lunch during school only to run into a NICL athletic confrence meeting where my mom was. I look back now and realize that it was annoying to always have people checking up on me but I was so lucky to have the influence that I did. Once I went to college I was kind of set free and made good use of my new found freedom. I liked college life and had the grades to show it! I have completed 2 programs and a degree as a non traditional student and couldn't have done it without the support of my parents. Now as I work to get a teaching degree, my parents are there for whatever I need. Having my mom as a teacher now helps me so much! Mandy Loeb Mandy-I think your mom was a great example of what parents should be. Involved parents make all the difference in education.

Mandy--I am in the same situation as your mom. I was a stay at home mom also and have been able to keep a very close eye on my kids. I was able to volunteer in each of their classrooms once a week, and was always able to help at activities in their classroom. When they were little, they enjoyed that very much. With a high school daughter, it isn't so cool now to have mom around. I hope in the long run, they will see that it was a good thing to have me involved in their education. Jill

__Mandy__- Way to go for your mom. that I what I am hoping to be in my kids life. Have to stay on top of them and make sure that they know I care. ***Amanda M.***

Early in my academic life, I had more of a support system than parents. My parents got divorced by the time I was 2 and my mom worked 2nd and/or 3rd shift as an RN at the hospital. Fortunately we had a terrific baby-sitter that basically served as a second parent for my sister and me. My mom did all she could to be as involved as possible with our education and made sure that Pam helped us and made sure we read beyond what our homework was, and she made sure she was at all the parent-teacher conferences and that it wasn't just a phone call. The teachers were very good about this. When I was in 3rd grade my mom remarried and things got more normalized. My mom still worked those crazy hours that varied but my dad was consistent. He pushed us to get school work done above all else. The summer before 6th grade we moved to Grundy Center, and both of my parents had relatively regular schedules; even though my mom did still work as a nurse, so her schedule could get hectic from time to time. The emphasis on education didn’t change. I began to play organized school-sponsored sports, but school was still the number one priority. This carried though to high school as well. Now that I am in college, I hold my education at the highest priority. This is the impact of my parents push for education. My parents also refuse to pay for my schooling after high school. I am all on my own, and given my upbringing, I have no problem with that. -Sean

Sean--Sounds like you had a great support system, sometimes support isn't always in the form of parents. Sounds like your parents did the best they could do with the situation at the time. Jill

My parents were involved in my education through high school. My mom worked in food service at the elementary school that I attended. If there were ever problems, she was first to know. My parents always attended conferences and were in contact with the teachers. During junior and senior high school my parents were very supportive of what I was doing. Academically, I was able to hold my own, school was important to me, and I wanted to be successful. It was a different story for my brother, but I remember that they were always supporting him and trying to help him. Sports were a big part of my high school time, and my parents were always at my activities supporting me and cheering my team on. There involvement in a way set the bar for the parent I wanted to be and how I wanted to be involved with my children and their schooling. Being a non traditional student my parents have been less hands on involved, but have been very helpful in supporting my family and helping with my children. Jill

__Jill__- I'm glad that your parents handled each child differently. It always worries me about being fair to each kid but making sure they both have what they need. ***Amanda M.***

My parents were involved the least amount that they could be and still keep up to date with what was going on. My dad typically was un involved completly unless it was sports related and my mom ran out of steam with my two older siblings. I flew under the radar to say the least. In elementary school we had weekly take home folders that needed to be signed by a parent and I rarely ever got that signed. I used to think that it was my fault for not telling them about it but now having my own children I know that it's really up to the parents to be on top of that weekly stuff at the elementary levels. There were definetly times when their uninvolvment hindered me, they didn't usually go to parent teacher confrences and stopped altogether after they got divorced. So i never felt the need to make sure that the things that were showcased at them was high quality. In secondary the only times they were there was for sporting stuff and then I didn't do t right ones so they didn't go to alot of them. I think it is needless to say that they didn't show they care much of education so i hated high school and was always late and skipped classes alot. I've bounced around a lot in college but they have been more uspportive now that I have a family and I'm more focused on getting the job done. Both of them are also in better places in their life so i think they are more able to support me now. ***Amanda M.***

I honestly cannot remember how involved my parents were in my elementary years, it was so long ago. My mother was very involved in during my junior high and high school years, whether it be educational or sports related. Both of my parents never missed a sporting event. My father would change his works schedule just so he could attend every sporting event from my junior high years on. I know that my mother would go to parent teacher conferences, but she never actually discussed what took place at the meetings. She would always encourage me to do my best and that she was always proud of me. The first time I went to college it was kind of a bust, too much partying and not enough studying. When I got out of the Marine Corps and decided to go back, both of my parents took an active interest in my education. They still call to see how classes are going. Adam

With my mother being a teacher, they were involved more than most. They were at all conferences and knew what was going on, often times before I did. However, I was never harped on to do homework. Much of this I did during study hall. Some of it, I did at home, but they always trusted me to get it done. Sometimes I did, other times I didn't. They knew that it was my decision to make and placed it in my hands. When I went to college the first time around, I was totally unprepared and had no study skills. I'm not saying that this is my parents fault, because it's not. It's mine. They knew that no matter what, I would do what I wanted to do and that I had to learn from it. Now that I'm back in school, they realize that I mean it and that I truly want to finish and help me and my family in anyway that they can. - Mitch