Dealing+Effectively+with+Parent+Critisms+&+Confrontations

Sean Covey, in __The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens__, give the following statistics with communication:7% of what is communicated is in words.53% of what is communicated comes from body language.40% of what is communicated comes from the tone & feeling reflected in our voice & how we say the words. Thinking about Covey's statistics and the guidelines from our textbook, choose two of the following scenarios and respond to how you would react in this parent-teacher situation.

Scenario 1: During a parent-teacher conference, a parent confronts you about their child receiving his/her first B. The parent insists that the child is an "A" student and wants you to change the grade.

Scenario 2: You catch a student copying another student's work and make a call home. The parent insists that the student would never do something like that.

Scenario 3: In your class, a student calls another student an inappropriate name. His behavior has occurred in the past and it is time to make the phone call home.

Scenario 4: A student has refused to complete their homework and this has been ongoing for the past three weeks. You have requested that parent(s) come in for a conference.

Scenario 1: I would start by looking genuinely interested and listening carefully. I would validate their concern. I would then show the parent some of the student’s work that lead to the ‘B’- accompanied by a rubric/answer key for what had been expected of the assignment(s). I would describe why the student received the grade they had, and stand by my judgment regarding the grade.- Nikki

I very much agree with you Nikki how you show the parents how their child earned their grade. -Michelle

I like the way you think Nikki! Students earn grades, they don't just get them. Just make sure you have the information neccesary to back up your justification of a B grade, and show the parents and the student what they need to do to receive the grade that they desire. -Sean

__Nikki-__ Like that you say they earn them. very true. You give A's for 'A' work not just 'A' students. ***Amanda M.***

Scenario 4: I would start the conference by greeting the parent(s) in a pleasant manner. In the conference I would be honest, emphasize specific data regarding the number of assignments turned in/not turned in, I would also explain what I have been doing to deal with the problem (prior to contacting the parents). Throughout the conference I would also note the student’s strengths and things the student is doing right. We would then have to decide what needs to specifically be done to eliminate the problem by the student, the teacher, and the parent(s). We should then schedule a follow up conference to assess the student’s progress. - Nikki Nikki- I agree with pointing out the student's strengths and things the student is doing right. This will show the parents that you do care for their child and that he/she does have good qualities, it's just that he/she needs to work on completing homework. Having a follow-up conference is also a good idea in case a plan needs to be re-evaluated. *TRICIA*

Nikki- I think the point you made in scenario 1 is great. Coming to the confrence prepared with everything you need will give a clear vision of why the student recieved the grade. Standing by your decision is very important. Mandy

Nikki- I like how you said "**WE** would then have to deice what needs to be done...." it opens it up to allow the parent to decide what they think is best for their child, and it shows teamwork between school and home. It's always important to work together! - Melissa C.

Scenario 1-I would first start by saying the student is very intelligent and compliment them for their B grade. I would tell the parent that the student is capable of receiving an A. I would ask the parent what the student says about their performance in the class. From there I would explain what I thought needed to be done to improve the student performance and I would then bring out some of the student’s work, where the student could have improved. By showing the parent where the student’s opportunities are, I would hope that the parent would be able to understand that with a little extra help the student will be able to earn the A that the parent’s want.-Chris Scenario 3 -When placing the call I would have my notes about the student performance and the list of occurrences where the student has used similar language or disrespect. I would start by telling the parents the reason for the call then I would ask the parent is the student has been having any issues in school or if there was something going on they would like to share with me about why the student may be acting out. I would let the parents know what is being done in school to handle the issue. I would also let the parents know what will happen if the behavior continues to happen. I would reassure the parents that the child is a good kid and with a little positive encouragement this type of behavior can be changed.Chris

Chris-It is great practice to have all the information and the specifics ready to address the child's issues. In my experience of having a kindergarten son getting into trouble on an almost daily basis, the facts do not lie. Detailed notes are great because that way the behavior is addressed throughly, which in my case I was shocked by the behavior Achilles had. The school sent notes home but didn't fully explain the issues to me, they are much worse than the notes stated.- Mike

Chris, I think thats great that you tell the parent you think the student is capable of getting an A. It shows that you are confident in the student and that you aren't just giving them a random grade just because you feel like it. It's also good to be curious of the student's reaction to their performance in case this is one of those situations where the parents is more controlling of their child's academics than the child is even though the child is already doing well. Melissa C.

Scenario 2: After talking to the parent on the phone who insists their child would never cheat, I'd invite them to come in for a conference. I'd make a photocopy of the other student's work and black out the name, and compare it to the child's work in front of the parent, circling the areas that I believe have been copied. I'd ask the parent if the child has shown any frustration in this subject and offer extra assistance for the child. Scenario 3: When making the phone call home I'd have a list of positive and negative occurrences about the child. I'd inform the parent about the name calling incident and refer back to previous dates of the same incident. I'd ask the parent if they have any idea where the student's behavior is coming from and use active listening while they are responding. I would be genuinely interested to hear what the parent is saying and would try to help find a solution to the child's behavior based on the positive aspects of the child.-Melissa

Melissa-Scenario 2-That is a great idea to have both papers in front of the parents so they can see what is exactly going on. I think parent’s respond better to evidence and the fact that you are offering additional help show that you care about the child.-Chris Melissa- In scenario 2, I love that idea. Doing things like that can really make the behavior "hit home." Then the parents and the teacher can brainstorm on ideas to help the child as well as reasons for the cheating. Thats a really neat idea that I didn't even think about. Mike

Melissa- (response to scenario 2) I like how you have "evidence" available for the parents so they can see where you are coming from. I also like how you direct it back to areas that the student may be struggling in so he/she can get any extra help if neeeded. This shows the parents that you aren't just blaming and coming down on their child for cheating, but you are there to help him/her. *TRICIA*

Melissa- Scenario 2: I love this idea- I also wouldn’t have thought of it. Like Tricia I like the ‘evidence’ and I like even more the questioning the struggling! Totally agree that it shows you REALLY care about the student! Great idea for us to use later in our careers!- Nikki

Melissa- I agree with the others- I loved your idea. I also agree that I would have never thought of it. Great idea and thank you for giving us something to think about. Mandy

Melissa (S2) - I really love how you offer help. It is not our job to critique students, but rather to educate them. There is a reason that student cheated but we can't do anything until we find out what the source of the problem is. -Sean Scenario 1: Non-verbal communication is key in this scenario. I would make sure I am providing great eye-to-eye contact as well as reinforce the message the parent is saying to clearly identify the concern. If a rubric is in place for some sample work the child has done, I would study those with the parents. Answering questions and being straight forward with the parents is also good. Through these questions and interaction, we may be able to understand if there is another issue at the foundation of the parents need for an “A.” Sometimes there is an underlying issue behind actions. Mike

I liked how you are presenting yourself, it show the parents that you are willing to listen to their concern and accept that they do have a concern. And how you are willing to answer their questions. -Michelle

Mike - I like your response about underlying issues, and I completely agree with you! So many times our reactions come from prior situations that may or may not relate to the subject at hand. It is beneficial for all involved to try to uncover this information to ensure better understanding. Scenario 2: This scenario is also difficult to address because many parents would never suspect or believe their child cheated. Straight forward and honesty are the only ways to address the issue with parents. I would state specifics, not embellishing at all, and field any questions or concerns that the parent has. I would also make myself available if the parent wants to meet face-to-face about the concern. Another idea made be the need for tutoring for the child. Mike

Scenario 3: I would tell the parent that one of our classroom rules is to be considerant and caring to others, and that I have seen their child show consideration to others (give an example here). I would then go on by saying that his/her behavior has changed in the last couple weeks and that an inappropriate name was said by him/her to another student. I would tell the parent that I have talked with their child about the situation and asked if there was something going on that I needed to know about, but didn't get any answers. I would ask the parent if he/she has been acting differently at home or if there is anything going on outside of school that would be of cause for this behavior. I would, of course, be using my active listening skills while the parent is talking. Depending on what the parents says, I would work with the parent to come up with an idea to make the situation better. I would then suggest that we revisit in a week or so to see if what we came up with is working. I would send a sticker/comments home each night with the student if he/she had a good day to keep the parent informed until our next meeting. I would offer to be available any time before that if there were any questions or concerns.

Scenario 4: Before we begin the conference I would share a list of the student's positive attributes with the parents. This will hopefully lighten the mood so we aren't starting off by "attacking" the student for something he/she isn't doing. I would ask the parents if their child has said anything to them about the subject or about not being able to get his/her homework done. I would send home a planner for the child to use and have the parents look at it every night, look over their child's homework every night, and sign it. If the student isn't getting homework done because the work is too hard then I would offer to give him/her extra help or modify the assignments so they aren't so overwhelming. *TRICIA*

Tricia- By sending day to day notes home along with the planner I think it leaves a lot of the responsibility on the parents to make sure the student is following through. This will help you determine the problem; maybe the student is struggling or maybe the parents are not putting education as high a priority as they should.-Chris Tricia - I like your dedication to making yourself available to the parents as well as the students in both of these scenarios. I also like how you focus on more positive then negative comments about the student. I think that is so important to do! If you are consistently telling someone they are bad then it may only be a matter of time before they start to believe it. Tricia- Scenario 4: I really like how proactive you are in helping the student get this done and giving them resources to ensure they are understanding and getting their homework done, but still making sure they learn!- Nikki

Scenario 1: In this type of situation it is extremely important that you don't reactive defensively. Instead I would utilize my listening skills and show empathy towards their feelings. I would then have factual information showing why I graded the way I did, with the work and expectations clearly visible. This definitely sounds like their are some underlying motivations as to why they want the grade switched so badly. I would be honest and firm behind my decision. This situation could go many ways, but I would hope to end it on mutual understanding and satisfaction.

Scenario 2: Again, this is a touchy situation because you are dealing with human emotion at its best! If the parent comes in obviously upset of the situation I would first show empathy and direct my full attention on their comments and reactions. I would start by letting them speak without interuption. When the time came I would show them the work I witnessed being copied and calmly explain the situation. I would follow this up with some positive comments about the student, then question whether they had expressed any frustration with the subject that was copied. I would then offer an alternative test for the student to take on their own to show that they know the information without "assistance". I would also ask the parent if they had any ideas to help the student so this situation was not repeated, having a few ideas of my own ready to offer out if needed. Positive communication and empathy really go a long way, and I would ultimately want this to end on a stronger parent-teacher bond and a more confident student. *Stephanie __Stephanie-__ I think that listening and trying to figure out why the grade needs to be changed so badly is a great place to start. I think itis important to not change the grade because that underminds your authority and set sthe child up for failure down the road. ***Amanda M.*** Scenario 1. I think this is a situation we will be faced with a lot. No parent that has very high expectations for their children wants to believe that they are capable of earning anything else but an A. The preperation for a meeting with the parents is crucial. I would listen very closely to their concerns and empathize with them. I would then expect them to listen to me and understand why I gave them this grade based on everything I provided. I would then offer to create a plan for the student and the parents to track the academic progress in the next semester to ensure success. Scenario 4. I think this is going to be a problem also. I would go into the parent meeting with a positive attitude and a genuine interest in finding the root of this problem. I would ask the parents what they wanted to accomplish in our meeting and create a plan of success for the student.-Mandy

Scenario 1--You would have to be very organized. You need to have plenty of documentation to prove why you gave the student the grade that you gave them. It would be important to show the parents what you were expecting, and have copies available to show them the work that was turned in. It would be important to hear the side of the parents, and present them with your expectations, let them know what assignments might be coming up. This will give them the opportunity to assist their child. Jill

Scenario 4--First I would want to visit with the student and see if there were anything going on that they would be willing to share. If I got no where with the student then I would call home. I would ask the parents to come in and share my concerns with them. I would want to come up with a communication plan that would involve myself, the student, and the parents. By involving the parents and the student hopefully things would change, or the situation that is causing could be resolved. Jill

Tricia Scenario 3-- I think it is important to let the parents know what the classroom expectations are. Also meeting with the parents might give you some insight to what happens at home or what the parents see as appropriate. I think it is also important to come up with a plan with everyone to change the behavior. This way you are getting input from everyone, and it is not only you making the decisions. Jill

Mike Scenario 1--It is easy to forget how important the nonverbal cues would be. You can learn a lot from a persons non verbal communication. It will be important to always show positive nonverbal communication. Jill

Sean (S1): First of all, I will stand behind my grade I gave to the student. The student will earn grades for me, not just get them. As far as handling the parents, I will show them the student’s work and the rubrics I give the student for specific assignments. When the student has all that information, there is no reason to not do the work at an A level. As a team, the parents and I will find the source of the B grade and work AS A TEAM to find a solution to raise the grade to an A that the student is clearly capable of.

Sean (S4): First thing, a conference is LONG overdue here. As far as parents go, I want to express my concern for the student. The student is capable of doing homework for my class but they choose not to. I need to work as a team with the parents to find a solution. Perhaps instead of doing 25 problems, the child would prefer to do 10 more difficult problems. Perhaps it is simply a lack of organization on the student’s part and it would be beneficial to email the parents the student’s homework each night so that we can all be on the same page. I will stress the point to the parents that the reason for this behavior could be any number of things but we will work together to fix it so that their child may flourish as a student.

***Amanda M.***__Scenario 1-__ The grade was given for a reason and you need to decide what those reasons are and then present them to the parent. I think having a rubric for the assignment in question would be a great tool to get the point across. If the parent wants the childs grade to improve I think that providing them with another assignment that could help them earn those missing points would be effective. Letting them choose froma list of projects they could complete and having another rubric so the parent knows what is expected. I don't think that the grade should be changed on the first assignment however becasue that is just setting the child up for failure later. They never learn that their actions have consequences and that mom and dad can fix any mistake I made by throwing a fit. The grade should stand with supporting evidence of why it was awarded and the opportunity should be given for extra points for extra work. __Scenario 2-__ During the quick call home I would like the give the parent an opportunity to get a say in what happens in for the cosequence of cheating.and example of the conversaiton could be "I am just as surprised as you and this isn't genarally the behavior that I see from "johnny" but never the less it was witnessed and **we** need to adress it, do you have any opinions or a strategy that would work best with your son?" You could also ask about any extra stress that the child may be under that would cause them to cheat. Give the parents some examples of consequences that might work but give them a chance to choose what would work best for their child. They know them best! If it happens again, however, the decision making needs to be in your hands and a confrence might need to be set up with the student and the parents to address concerns and come up with a solution.

Scenario 1: I would make sure to let the parent get a chance to fully voice their concern about their child's grade. I will then continue on by saying that I understand their concern and would then proceed to show the parents their child's work that would show why I felt the student deserved a B. -Michelle

Scenario 3: When calling the parents about a behavior I would first start the conversation with how things were going at home. Trying to see if the parents have noticed any change in their child. If I pick up on a big change in the home life then I would make sure that in the conversation I mention as many positive things about their child as possible before I brought up the misbehavior. On the other hand if I don't pick up on a change at home then I would still bring up several positive notes about their child before I mentioned the misbehavior however I might ask the parent what they might thing have caused the sudden disruption, and go from there. -Michelle

Scenario1) I would listen to what the parent had to say as to why I should change the grade. Then I would show the parents the quality of work their students has produced for my class. If they were still not satisfied, I would suggest that we schedule a conference with the principal to solve the problem. Adam Scenario 4) I would have all the student’s late work available to show the parents for the conference. I would discuss that he/she would have the option to turn in the late work and their current grade in my class. We would discuss the possibilities of repeating the class if the student is too far behind and the possibility of extra credit so the student could pass the class. I would ask the parents if anything has happened in the last month that would change their student’s attitude towards school, as this is the first time that anything like this has happened with that specific student. Adam

Scenario 1 - I would listen to the parents and their reasons for feeling how they do. Then, I would show them the class work expectations and the rubrics for any questioned assignments. If necessary, I would show them work of those who got an 'A' and those got a 'C' to further illustrate where their child is. Scenario 2 - I would show the parents examples of previous work of their child and of the other child. Then, i would show them the work in question to show them just exactly what happened. If this doesn't resolve the matter, I would involve the principal and go from there.